I don't normally go off in my posts, but I am so frustrated right now. I am just so tired...soooooo tired...and I've had it with Meredith's sleeping issues. You would think dealing with a baby getting up 3-4 times in the middle of the night until she was 14 months old, would be enough for one mom to bear...but NO! I feel so pathetic saying this, but it seems like EVERY time she actually starts to sleep better and nap better and I am feeling SOOOOOOoooooo truly grateful that I finally don't have to deal with the stress of trying to put her to sleep and the stress of wondering how long she is going to sleep...she relapses into her terrible sleep habits again!!! I really wish I didn't have to deal with this anymore!! It makes me wonder if she is ever going to be a "good sleeper"...
I realize that for some reason I have very little patience when dealing with this issue, but I am literally SO TIRED from the last 20 months that I don't think I will ever feel "normal" again. I look at so many of my friends whose kids sleep until 8 and take 2-3 hour naps every day and I feel like such a failure. I have the cutest little girl in the world and she is such a good girl when she is awake, but for some reason I have done something to ruin her whole sleeping thing. I spoiled her when she was little or something. Who knows??????
Right now as I'm writting this, she finally just fell asleep after 30-40 minutes of crying and the stupid dumptruck is here. She is going to wake up screaming any second and I can hardly think about it without feeling like I'm going to have a complete mental breakdown. You may laugh, but I'm not kidding...at all. I am so sick of this stupid garbage truck waking her up and so sick of my stupid neighbors that all have loud obnoxious trucks and anything or anyone else who has disturbed M's naps or sleep. Now that you have heard all of my pathetic ranting and raving, do you understand the title of my post?? I had all of these ideas in my head of what a great mom I would be before we actually had Meredith...and today as she kept screaming and crying and refusing to go to bed...I just wanted to smack her bum so hard. Ugh!! I didn't, but I was seriously angry. So much for the great mom dream.
By the way, she actually didn't wake up from the garbage truck, luckily it was one of the quiet recycling trucks...but unfortunately, I'm just sitting her feeling tons of anxiety waiting for the moment when something else will wake her up. With my recent luck, I'm sure this much needed nap will not even last an hour.
Sorry for the sob story. Promise I'll stop feeling sorry for myself now and try to cheer up. :) At least she is the cutest thing and sweetest thing about 95% of the time. It could be worse, right?
9/25/2007
Mentally unstable?
6 comments:
Oh K! I'm sooo sorry! I'm struggling with my "mental" issues these days too! In fact, I was ready to do a job search today! I think being a SAHM is the hardest job in the world-but, the most rewarding! Thanks for sharing your thoughts...it lets me know others are going through tough times too! Hang in there! You are such a great mom and I love you! I wish we lived closer and it would make leaning on each other easier! You're the BEST!
Kayla, You just brought me to tears thinking about the struggle you deal with! YOU ARE A WONDERFUL MOTHER!!! Just remember that each child is different, and I am sure that those friends of yours... which by the way, I am not one of... have problems of their own that they deal with, or they are too nervous to say so. There is just so much pressure that we put on ourself to be a great mother, the BEST mother, and we all do a pretty good job with what we have to deal with. I have cried 2x this week at Sadie's waking up at 2 am. Because she was only waking up at 4 am & I thought we were progressing to once a night, which would be heaven! But like Mer she has regressed back to 2x in the night. I have only been dealing with this for 2 months and it is hard.... I know its frustrating, but just keep up the good work!! And I will keep you in my prayers!! I love you! And tell that girl to get some rest! xoxo julie
kayla, i am so sorry! you are so normal- this is SOOOO normal! every mom has their bad days and times they feel like a failure- so just know youre not alone!
i'd say let her cry it out- she is old enough to know that dark time means sleep time. so shut her door, shut your door and put some earplugs in. and if youre worried about neighbors, just remind yourself that they wake you and your baby up when they are being loud.
it will take some practice, but crying it out is what worked for both my kids- as hard as it is on you as a parent, its worth it!
hang in there!
ah yes... The true anthem of a mom! You are so normal! Too many days get checked off my calendar where I honestly didn't think I would make it through a day! We all have our moments and the worst part about being a mom is that we compare ourselves to all the other moms and their put together selves that they present to the public... all too often that same mom we admire was just yelling at her kids to hurry up or to stop hitting or to get dressed! She too was so stretched to her limits that she felt on the verge! But then by some miracle she was able to get out of the house in one piece and try to put on a happy face! That's all a mirage Kayla! Sadly we all have to deal with the facades of the human race and we never seem to stack up.I hate that about us women!
I really try to take a healthy approach to parenting in the sence that I just lay it out there! You've seen my blog and my days right!HELLO!!!! What an I doing wrong! Nothing really... we all just deal with the hand we were dealt and some how we make it!
Oh I love you! You have always come across as a caring and loving mother! I admire you for your perseverances! We all have our struggles if it's any cancellation and I love how honest you are! WE all feel that way all to often!
sorry for the novel!
I wish I had some great advice but, alas, experience hasn't hit me yet. I wish I could hug and hold you and kiss you and make it all better - so here are some cyber xoxoxoxos.
BTW, you're talking about Baby #3... did I miss something about Baby #2? Is there news?
I'm Sarah Hoagland's cousin and let me just say that this is way normal. A wise mom once told me "they are only young for a split second, hold them, hug them, love them, don't let them cry it out. When they are old enough they will sleep but until then let them fall asleep with you, on you, next to you, on the couch,lights on, etc."
I have a 6 year old and a 4 year old and I followed this mom's advise when my first child started crying all the time and she was right. They were happy, didn't cry for hours and feel very loved and most important...they now sleep in their own beds and are very comfortable with themselves and feel safe that we are still home and there for them.
Anyway, just thought I'd pass the advise on. Everyone will say how bad this is but I will leave you with this thought. Your little girl has only been on this earth for a couple years, how scary is that. Think about when you were young and how you felt in a dark room by yourself. That's all, just love her up. And remember, you are an awesome mom no matter what anyone else thinks you should be doing.
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